Today I tell you a story about a girl who always had been a people-pleaser. That girl was me. With the tendency to care more about others than myself, I had always put the needs and wants of other people ahead of my own. The last one I was pleasing was myself. Gradually it started to absorb my energy to such an extent that I was asking myself what I had been doing all that whole time with both my personal and professional lives. After discovering the underlying truth and motivation of a people-pleaser, I was determined to break with this practice altogether. I have rounded up the things that made me stop being a people-pleaser and start becoming the badass girl who puts her life before anything else.
Taking care of yourself first does not make you a bad person
We are all individuals. So it is normal that we have our own unique needs and goals. Pursuing your own dreams, and shining along, without bringing them into conflict with those of other people is the best you can do for yourself and others around you. Once you have mastered this, you can try to help others with their needs as well.
Pleasing people does not necessarily help them to move forward
Although it is often thought that when you please people you do them a favour, it actually has the opposite effect. When people rely to much on your help and kindness, it will hinder their self-growth and self-esteem. Take the example of a relationship. Without mutuality, nothing is left of a relationship. You can try to please the person in the relationship and put all your effort in it to make it work. However, this neither help improve the situation nor the person at hand as he or she is part of an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship. So it is better to stop the friend-pleasing initiatives coming from only your side and end this relationship altogether.
Realise you have a choice
You need to understand and realise that the choice is all yours. Nobody can force you to give a specific answer to a question. You do not always have to nod yes. A no is an equally good answer. People often do not even expect you to agree to their request. So do not overthink what the other person might think or feel when you give a particular answer. Instead, always reflect on your own goals and priorities before giving an answer. Be clear on what is best for you. Also, try to think more about yourself. Start pleasing yourself more by answering your own requests and needs with a yes.
Do you also relate to the above? What will you do or have you done to stop being a people-pleaser? I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time!
Love always,
Mee-Ling
