Today I am sharing something with you that I had been struggling with for a very long time. That is the practice of letting go. Being a highly sensitive person, I attach relatively more emotions and feelings to people, things and situations than anyone else. This means that letting go of them feel like a painful challenge over and over again. It creates an emptiness in my heart that can sustain for months. The pain attached to it will not fade away over time as I keep repeating the memories in my mind. I knew this was not good for me, but it was my way of still keeping them alive within me. It has reached its peak when my grandma died, which is almost ten years ago now. The fact that she was not here anymore was unbearable and hit me every time again, even after years has passed. The grief did not evaporate. I tried to give it a place in my heart but the pain was so strong and confrontational that it was simply impossible to do so.
After this, my ability of letting go has been continuously put into test. From finishing my exchange period in Asia to leaving behind my career in Hong Kong to distancing from someone who was a soul mate to me. Although my high-sensitiveness did not reduce across time, I have tried to deal with my weak ability of letting go and I finally found certain rituals that are helpful in this respect.
Every time I feel my emotions arise, I do not suppress them. I immediately find a place where I can be alone and then set them free. I release everything what I feel inside at the moment. This is especially the case when the lost of a thing, issue or person has just occurred or is still fresh in my mind. I allow myself to cry, scream and be sad. Usually I instantly feel much better. However, in the time that follows it keeps turning over in my mind, which does not make it easy for me to let go. The worst is that I try to find the reasons behind them and then the whole issue will escalate in my mind.
Gradually I have taught myself that in this exact moment I need to take in the role of arbiter, someone who intervenes and put a stop to the thoughts taking their courses. At the same time, this allows me to put everything in perspective. What happened was only a small part of my life. Although it will never return to me, I need to be happy and grateful that it once has happened, instead of still being stuck in the pain.
Also, I remind myself that whatever has occurred was only a small part of my life. I still have a whole life ahead of me. A lot of other similar opportunities and encounterings are coming my way that might be even better. This often brings me a feeling of calmness. Then I usually finish this off by writing it off in my diary and incorporating it in my blog posts and poems. By this I somehow can close the specific chapter and finally say I can let go.
How easy is it for you to let go of things in your life? I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time!